Mothers typically think they are supposed to put the needs of their family before their own. Tending to other people first is a culturally accepted norm for women in our society. Anything short of this can be perceived as selfish, even sinful.
The truth of the matter is that you will be more "response-able" to the needs of your family by protecting the bit of space you need to refill. The only real alternative is to run out of energy and your ability to respond after being on call 24/7. It may take a while, but a crash will happen eventually unless you take positive action now.
One thing you may not have considered is that you are a role model for your children from the day they are born. As such, you have a responsibility to show them how to care for themselves by taking care of yourself. Mothers have wept over the realization that they had modeled a lack of self-care for their daughters until it was nearly too late. Our children learn far more from our actions than from our words. If you want your children to take healthy time and space for themselves as adults, you need to show them how.
While meditation can be extremely helpful, you don't need to sit down and meditate to take 10 minutes for yourself. You can go for a short walk, just sit in a quiet spot inside, outside, or even in the car (while you're not driving). Sometimes I actually have to lock myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes to get the time and space I need, but it is worth it.
If you work away from your home, you may find it a bit easier to set a little time for yourself aside away from your family. If you are at home twenty four hours a day, I recommend brainstorming to find a way to take some time away once a week for an hour or so while a responsible adult is caring for your baby or child. This will allow you to ease up on yourself and decompress. When you return, even a short time later, you may feel warmer and more appreciative of your little ones than when you left. Even over-tired, over-worked moms can open up their hearts more easily by having a window of opportunity to feel ever so briefly "off duty."
You may find unexpected benefits from following through with this self care technique. Certainly you will realize temporary benefits from having a few daily moments to breathe, but will be creating long term benefits as well. When your inner self begins to trust that you are going to continue taking time and space for yourself, your mood and even body image will improve. You are, in effect, saying that it is all right for you to be in the world! This will translate into healthier self-talk, wiser choices, and a more grace-filled, response-able presence as a partner, wife and mother. - 14130
The truth of the matter is that you will be more "response-able" to the needs of your family by protecting the bit of space you need to refill. The only real alternative is to run out of energy and your ability to respond after being on call 24/7. It may take a while, but a crash will happen eventually unless you take positive action now.
One thing you may not have considered is that you are a role model for your children from the day they are born. As such, you have a responsibility to show them how to care for themselves by taking care of yourself. Mothers have wept over the realization that they had modeled a lack of self-care for their daughters until it was nearly too late. Our children learn far more from our actions than from our words. If you want your children to take healthy time and space for themselves as adults, you need to show them how.
While meditation can be extremely helpful, you don't need to sit down and meditate to take 10 minutes for yourself. You can go for a short walk, just sit in a quiet spot inside, outside, or even in the car (while you're not driving). Sometimes I actually have to lock myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes to get the time and space I need, but it is worth it.
If you work away from your home, you may find it a bit easier to set a little time for yourself aside away from your family. If you are at home twenty four hours a day, I recommend brainstorming to find a way to take some time away once a week for an hour or so while a responsible adult is caring for your baby or child. This will allow you to ease up on yourself and decompress. When you return, even a short time later, you may feel warmer and more appreciative of your little ones than when you left. Even over-tired, over-worked moms can open up their hearts more easily by having a window of opportunity to feel ever so briefly "off duty."
You may find unexpected benefits from following through with this self care technique. Certainly you will realize temporary benefits from having a few daily moments to breathe, but will be creating long term benefits as well. When your inner self begins to trust that you are going to continue taking time and space for yourself, your mood and even body image will improve. You are, in effect, saying that it is all right for you to be in the world! This will translate into healthier self-talk, wiser choices, and a more grace-filled, response-able presence as a partner, wife and mother. - 14130
About the Author:
Christy Cuellar-Wentz, M.A. is an author and mental health professional dedicated to providing support for the unique demands of new parenthood. She offers free weekly MP3 downloads with empowering ideas for new parents as well as current information on postpartum stress, postnatal depression and baby blues.
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